Just about every evening, my wife and I engage in a spirited game of “Bananagrams”
This game is similar to scrabble in that you need to put together letter tiles to form words. In the case of bananagrams, each player uses their letters to create a crossword puzzle construction – the one that uses up all their letters first wins the game.
Here is what my winning entry looked like from last night’s game (I am not gloating!):
The intensity of our games rivals that of any professional sporting match! We are both highly focused on our own word construction – I would say we almost always achieve getting into the zone! The winner is usually decided with a margin of mere seconds as to who gets stuck with the last un-played tile! The winner always gets a fist bump! Generally, the first question asked by the winner is “what is your best word”? Luckily, I do love my bride, so it is easy to celebrate with her when she wins, and also not to gloat too much when I win! We have both gotten much better at the game as we have learned from each other and push each other to do our best. Why do I bring our evening ritual up? Read on and see!
I recently finished reading this book:
In “inner Excellence”, Jim Murphy not only introduces many of the traditional mental skills tools that have been covered in many of the posts here on the blog, but he takes it to another level by investigating why we compete in the first place – and what prevents us from doing our best. He identifies three key characteristics to achievement: Belief, Focus and Freedom (BFF). He defines these simply as follows: “Belief separates the best from the rest; focus is your ability to have heightened awareness in the present moment; and freedom is your ability to be bold and take risks, holding nothing back (P.54). He goes on to explain that freedom means playing your game with unconditional love – not only loving it when you do well!
On that same page, he goes on to talk about competition: “Genuine competition isn’t an event to see if you can beat your opponent or to see who is better, but an event in which people who love the same thing get to experience how well they can push each other to develop self-mastery by learning and growing in love (freedom), wisdom (belief) and courage (focus)”.
Wow! In his view, the single biggest obstacle we face is really self-centeredness!
He expands on these ideas (and others) throughout the rest of the book including a detailed explanation of why we should love our competitor. After all, without a strong competitor, what would drive us to get better! We should all appreciate having someone as driven as we are to help us learn and hone our skills. Our focus should be on mastery and continuous learning – especially from our competitors! I have tried to live up to this ideal. I can recall a conversation I had with a person shooting in my class a couple of years ago. I had wished him good luck in the upcoming shoot. He looked at me strangely and said something to the effect of “we are competing against each other – you should hope I do poorly”. Because I shoot clays for the love of the game and for fun and entertainment, I saw it a little differently! I often practice with others in my class / similar skill level. We freely offer assistance to each other. The better we get as a group, the better we get as individuals!
Jim Murphy cautions against trying to wish bad “juju” on your competitor (ok, who hasn’t secretly hoped that their competitor drops a few targets on the last station?….).
While that doesn’t actually help your own performance, he warns that it can actually hinder it by putting you in a negative mindset! Best to show your opponent some love and improve your own competence at the same time!
If you find this different take on mastery and excellence as intriguing as I did, you may want to pick up a copy of Jim Murphy’s book. Here is the amazon link:
Oh, yes, if you want to try your hand at Bananagrams, here is the link to that as well! I fully intend to give my wife a run for her money tonight!